Paradise

If this is paradise,

then let my blood,

and consider,

my pound of flesh paid.

Suspicious Little Creature

I don’t trust you, joy.
She arrives glowing—
cracking beautiful things.
A vain little creature,
in a porcelain mask.

Joy is sugar on the rim
a glass full of poison.
Always sweet—
till something breaks.
Left costly choking.

Let me vanish into shadow.
Leave me be.
Let me make something that’s mine,
where none can see,
and with mud of earth in my pores.

I don’t want joy—
just meaning.
Let its weight lay honest.
I"d rather feel the culling of truth,
then fall to its dulling.

Don’t trust those who smile too widely—
Their light is borrowed,
and reclaimed just the same.
There’s always something hiding
in a face never wavering.

Losing Real

For those who have found the real

screwed it up and lost it.

My heart aches for you,

not because of the loss,

terrible as it may be.

There is still beauty in the loss.

I mourn not for your melancholy.

There is grace in your longing.

I mourn for you.

For your moving forward.

Even if you find it again,

you’ll never trust it.

Even if Heaven silver platters it

You will question Heaven’s motive.

You should question Heaven’s motive.

You see?

I mourn your loss of the real.

Know that,

even this loss,

is a liberation.

This is—freedom.

This is—true choice.

Resist

I would urge peace,

Remember that for every violent choice,

a hundred peaceful options are presented

beforehand.

However, I understand.

I understand that blood boils at the sight of a fellow human’s suffering.

I understand that when a boot is on your throat that you are left with no other choice.

So if you must hoist that black flag,

then begin with the table,

then follow with lashings.

Remember,

that water neutralizes gas,

that equal parts blackened oil and coarse

sand neutralizes windows of all types,

that disorientation is a powerful tool,

that it might go wrong and if it does—shut up.

But please, don’t—if it is possible, always

choose peace.

Uniforms

I’ve never been so relieved to not be wearing a uniform.

Religion

Tell me…why should I amalgamate anything created by devils as a part of self?

Thirst

Tonight I’ll stare at the bottle until the sun comes up. I’ll remember your name. I’ll dazzle myself with the delusion that you are somehow watching over me. I’ll twirl a coin between my fingers and pretend it means something. I’ll pretend it’s made a difference. I will smell fire and miss it in the same breath. My skin will sear and I’ll let bitterness take over for at least tonight. I’ll sink into it like the mud I was born in and I’ll struggle to breathe once more. It will cradle me without judgement. I’ll let the tears fall if they wish. I’ll wonder if he’ll let me say goodbye before I burn. I’ll twist and toil with rage. At long last the sun will come up and I’ll lay in silence. I’ll embrace the smell of salt and exhaustion. With my final conscious thought I’ll sigh and say to myself tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll throw in the towel…I’m too tired tonight.

Destructive

There’s a piece of me that is deep within that hates to be happy. It awakens to destroy every beautiful thing in my life and then vanishes without a sound. Every impulse begins screaming that you don’t deserve any of it and it drowns me in the waves of its voice. My will is too often paralyzing me in the desperate self preservation of what is. God herself could descend upon me restoring it all—and I would still have disbelief and I would still feel the impulse to destroy it all over again. To receive everything that you could ever want is a nightmare that you can’t wake up from.

Fear

I am calm because everything I feared happened.

Raining Ashes

Feeding a dragon fire is generally a bad idea…but not always…

Dangerous Games

In my lifetime I have learned the art of death. I have come to understand it as an ally in both its graceful ways and its grotesque ways. The game of love is the most dangerous game that exists. It is the place where death becomes art in the most stunning and profound way.

I’m Burning

My core burns white hot while the world grows colder.

Rest in Peace

Thank you for everything, L.J. Smith. Rest in peace, your works will be remembered, Always and Forever.

The Runaways

We were young once. In our delirium we found a moment of peace on crystal shores, only to lose our grip on what actually mattered in the muck of the swamps.

Puzzle Boxes

Just another box that was left on the shelf with missing pieces.

Tainted

In a moment half of me was seared by Hell while the other half was claimed by Heaven.

Incomprehensible?

Those who settle for “good enough” in the small things will always question their mediocre life.

Another Fallen Angel

I’ve lost my sight. Despite the fire, all I see is the empty in your eyes. You’ve been dead longer than you know. It won’t be long now, surely the creatures know by now. They’ll be on their way soon, I can feel the rally cry from underneath.

Love

All we want is for someone to let our hearts bleed on theirs.

Noise

For the love of God, just give me all you have to give so I have a place to disappear to.